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It’s the latest phenomenon with teens that’s taking and twisting our perceptions on vampires and already the third film of five (Breaking Dawn is slated for two parts) has been released. The saga has grossed over one billion dollars yet one thing eludes this reviewer, just why it has become so popular?

The books have hit home with teenage girls who are getting their first experiences of love and boys, in this modern era of course once the book has been made a film these fans will migrate over to see it and then tween wars sparked out between Team Edward and Team Jacob.

Now the third film has been released and if like me you hadn’t seen the previous two you can be forgiven for being slightly lost and confused. Unlike the third instalment of Spider-Man which was ripped apart because it didn’t cater to fans who hadn’t seen the previous two films, critics have been kind to Eclipse.

The plot for this episode is a wave of vampires, “new borns”, are coming for Bella, for reasons unknown. These new borns are stronger than regular vampires (who you know can walk around in the daytime) because they still have human blood inside them so Edward has to swallow his pride and form a pact with Jacob – a werewolf who is vying for Bella’s affections – to work together for the greater good.

Running at over two hours you may find yourself nodding off because nothing happens. The new borns are coming from Seattle lead by a kid who went missing, Jacob (who never wears a shirt) and Edward exchange angry looks whilst Bella tries to get Edward to sleep with her, but he wants to wait until their married.

All of this substance leads to a very disappointing and unsatisfactory climax when the vampire “war” begins and ends in moments. I use the term “war” very loosely because there are only a dozen or so vampires on each side and for saying these new borns are supposedly stronger and faster than the Cullen clan they don’t prove it on the battle field.

With the action out of the way it’s back to more love triangle tedium as the film wraps up another instalment. I have nothing positive to say about this film, the story was nonexistent, the acting was shocking, Robert Pattinson having as much charisma as pigment and Kirsten Stewart as monotonous and unappealing as a cricket at a picnic. It was almost as if they hadn’t bothered trying.

The direction was diabolical, I can’t even say the camera work was great either as I found the cuts to be too quick at times and the film shaky at points. Not even the soundtrack was appealing, Muse’s Neutron Star Collision was hyped as the big tune of the film yet is used for less than thirty seconds.

Overall a total shambles of a film, a waste of celluloid that has got far too popular for its own good. Nothing happens, there is no entertainment in this film and if the people who support it could only see past the shirtless pre-teens perhaps we could get back to real film.